It’s so easy to take your relationship for granted and we could all use a reminder to be more appreciative and understanding of our spouses. worked through the do-it-yourself paperwork and paid a $265 fee to the county court for the divorce,” he wrote. Although I chose to buy a house, nobody had to compromise on quality of life or sell the expensive family house. Divorce rates have never been as high as 55%, and have been dropping for decades. Thank you for sharing, it’s been a bit over a year since my own “too little too late” moment. Wishing your beautiful family a joyful 2019 – and beyond. Regional Occupational Program – ROPs’s are all over the nation This may be a time to get a housemate, get assistance at your local food pantry, apply for any programs associated with low income households (utilities will lower your monthly bill, you may get some heating assistance, etc. You pick groups where the activity sounds interesting. Best wishes to you MMM. Top 5 life crisis type trauma, but it eases with time. Still, having been through it, I would not recommend divorce as a decision to be taken lightly. December 31, 2018, 5:27 pm. I don’t feel that I have any immediate risks with my marriage but I have to ask myself why I have put so little effort into improving this critical part of my life. Because sometimes life just serves up a shit salad and we don’t have a choice in the matter, but we always have a choice of how to respond to it. A fellow Canuck. Hope your son is doing well and my best wishes for you all in 2019. The two biggest expenses “normal” (whatever that means) people have is housing and mobility. It’s great he’s open about the divorce and has hosted a 600+ comment thread on his forum to discuss his divorce for months. I hope that’s of some help. Stan, I couldn’t agree more. Youth Business Alliance-youth training program for businesses My city also has a FIRE Facebook group that meets monthly in person. My mom was a strong introvert but was a community volunteer in a wide, wide variety of organizations (one at a time) to fulfill her social needs. My divorce and loss of five kids was the biggest tragedy of my life but has led to the best thing in life: a solid and reliable relationship with God that brings peace and eventually a new marriage. So the bad news is that there is definitely such thing as “too late.” At some point, the idea of “working on” a marriage sounds like hell because you have been waiting for so long to be able to escape it. Planning to visit Longmont someday and get to say thank you in person. Unfortunately, the internet is a place where nasty voices can gather a lot of steam, but those voices do not reflect the truth that many of us are here for you. We did the spreadsheets and figured it all out, spent the minimum on filing, and have been adults about it ever since (it’s been 10 yrs). As I am reading your post, I admire your strength to keep it cool through this tough process. This is where you can find the site rules and FAQs. But without my divorce, and my solitude time to absorb my lessons, I would not have the wonderful relationship I enjoy today. I’m reminded of a refrain from an old Dave Mason song – “there ain’t no good guy, there ain’t no bad guy – there’s only you and me and we just disagree.” Good luck to all of you. Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. The Philosophy of Mr. Money Mustache. So your best strategy is to carve them out of your life, while keeping your words as kind and respectful as you possibly can. Everyone looks at the divorce rate, but nobody looks at the “happily married” rate when talking about marriages. Thanks for sharing and giving your perspective. I’m 100% certain that I would not be a Mustachian or on the path to FI if I hadn’t taken the actions I did when I did. I am sad to hear about your divorce, but glad to hear that y’all will keep mushing on as best as y’all can. Because many bits of damage you do to a relationship are permanent. And if you hire lawyers and other specialists to fight on your behalf, you just multiply the damage and the cost and stretch out the timeline. Divorce is common and should not be taboo. With some counselling and continued learning, I started the path to being a better me in the world. 1) Find multiple healthy distractions. I actually read very little after my divorce (related to divorce that is) but somewhere I saw these quotes and they reflected my divorce experience: “Getting divorced is hard, being divorced isn’t”. worked through the do-it-yourself paperwork and paid a $265 fee to the county court for the divorce. Wishing you all the best for a fresh start in 2019. But fortunately, like everything else, going to war is almost always a choice. Rather than lament the unfairness of it all and use it as an excuse to go down a road of unhealthy escapism of bar hopping, bed hopping and self-pity, use the time to work on yourself, so that you can be your BEST self. I’m continually amazed at how you can take difficult circumstances and choices, and come out stronger. Also the tip box. It takes a lot of courage to share this information with the public. They told me, so change that or don’t’ be that guy. MMM – hats off to you for taking the high road and I’m sorry for what you and your ex-wife are going through, and that you have to do it as public figures. The process was handled as if it were a way to punish someone (me). But we can. Peter Adeney is the Canadian expatriate, now 41 years old, who goes by the alias Mr. Money Mustache. Spend your money on what makes you happy and conversely, don't spend money on what doesn't make you any happier. Be resilient. Please do take the best possible care of yourself. All the best to anyone else going through this scenario, especially with kids. Mike, I hope you have come out of it okay. Keep ’em coming! You may have to pay only the most essential bills that keep you and your kids housed, warm and fed. Hello Mr. Moustache, DAYS LA – long beach program to bring adults back into the work-force She wanted to spare us until she had everything in place. At this age, people have mellowed and learned from their past relationships and are moving on to a new free stage of life since our kids (if any) are growing up. Not a game of fairness, especially when children are involved. A positive trade as I adore my nephew and nieces. December 31, 2018, 5:58 pm. Then there is the social shame attached to divorce in our culture. That can’t be easy to do with some people being what they are. December 31, 2018, 6:35 pm. Unfortunately, there is no account by Lewis that I’m aware of in which he shares his own story. This section of writing resonated with me also: “Most of us (myself included) drift through the years, assuming we are doing a perfectly good job at being married, while unintentionally making all the same mistakes that everyone else makes.”. Both of us can remain retired and continue to live in mortgage-free houses with investments easily covering our living expenses, while sharing child raising expenses. 0 Replies 1,358 Views June 05, 2020, 03:23:03 PM by freeforex20: The Fibonacci Sequence. I posted my details to the "Case Study" section on the Mr Money Mustache Forum. But I just wanted to remind you that a pessimistic attitude like that is very self-fulfilling, especially in the area of finding future love. So that’s the bad news. Is it good for my finances? My spouse was skeptical, so we ran it by a different financial planner and then again with our guy. Consider volunteering your time in/with/for a group that either supports your goals or has people similar to you. It’s definitely important to continue working at your marriage every single day. I do hope that you take time heal from the pain of this trauma. Two-L Michelle Thank you for posting about this, there were a number of divorces for my mom and dad growing up. It sure has changed my life for the better. For example, if you survived the financial crisis, you could have bought S&P 500 at 666. I’ve noticed myself spitting venom with my heart being in the right place (ie. TheAngelsReply Given how long things had been sliding in my marriage it surprised me that in a very short period of time (no affairs) it was like a switch was flipped and I knew there was nothing left in me that wanted the relationship to continue. And I find it to be important to pay attention to what people’s actions say, and how they can affect you, and how those actions affect relationships. And the fact that you can live so close and still have a great relationship is a sliver lining. This can drastically increase your hourly earnings. As all my previous relationships lasted no more than 2 years. Adeney retired from his job as a software engineer in 2005 at age 30 by spending only a small percentage of his annual salary and consistently investing the remainder, primarily in stock market index funds. My car is the cheapest reliable car I can find (2007 Pontiac G6 w/V6 engine). Write down the good advice they give. One thing that I think we did well is that no matter what the communication was between the ex and me, it did not affect our communication about the kids. So the former Mrs. MM and I (mostly under her guidance!) this is the part that gets me the most about this. I’ve already downsized my home to something half in value and I’m hatcheting expenses like a Halloween psycho! It definitely is not easy. This past year, my extended family saw the loss of a mother and the loss of a baby. It ruins lives. I’m thankful for this and all your stories, in that they will likely help people focus before it’s too late. No wonder relationships are so difficult! It sounds like you two have handled it as graciously as possible, though anyone who says divorce is easy is a dirty rotten liar!! And importantly, the kids knew it. Anonymous Thanks for making all our lives better. I hope I never go through a divorce. Mr. Money Mustache – look for your local community action agency), get as much as possible for free (get kids’ clothes from Buy Nothing Group on Facebook, ask friends to give you hand me down clothes for kids), etc. December 31, 2018, 5:44 pm. December 31, 2018, 5:47 pm, Ironic that you posted this today I was divorced five years ago on 12 31 2013. Like almost everything else in life, human nature draws us to the easier but more destructive of these paths, and only self-knowledge and self-discipline can lift us out of that rut and place us onto the more productive one. Wow, when I read the headline I was really hoping that the topic of divorce wasn’t personal for you. December 31, 2018, 5:04 pm. Aim to not fight ever during the process (even if you have to start from zero or negative). 3. I’ve known people who’ve viewed the experience as their great escape, and have bounced into new romantic relationships, and seemingly new lives before the ink has even dried on the divorce decree. I hope others read your blog and are encouraged towards finding their own amicable ending to relationships if needed. It can be tough. MMM posted on his blog yesterday regarding his divorce, called "The Economics of Divorce." Take 100 marriages. He spends more money each year than he tells his readers, but in order to keep up with his image and cult of followers, he continues to say they live on little. I divorced in my twenties and spent two and a half years on my own, thinking about what I did wrong and how I could do it better the next time. People who don’t even know you, will speculate on your character and your motives. Mr. Money Mustache (MMM) is a financial freedom blog, started by a 30-something retiree, who wants to share his frugal, yet fun, life of leisure — and all that comes with it. You may have to examine whether or not you can afford to live in your current home. Some great video on YouTube of the two of them performing acoustically. ; as my one and only quarter-of-a-century marriage had ended earlier in the year. For example, I told an independent advisor that every divorced person I knew (in personal life at that time) is a total loser. There no perfect way to navigate this minefield and I can’t imagine how difficukt it must be as someone with a cult like following. So thank you for being aware of this and my hope is your experience will be a positive tool for everyone. I’m grateful to you for helping me get time off for good behavior. Cheers to a great future for us all! We can choose to focus on how unfair the situation is, how we were right and we tried our best and the world still mistreated us. Logistics matter a lot more than people realize, and this will ensure you see each other more often than if you lived a car ride away. teach a lesson, attempt to reduce or protect ego) but it very rarely results in the desired outcomes. If you think you are hardcore enough to handle Maximum Mustache, feel free to start at the first article and read your way up to the present using the links at the bottom of each article. I have been a fan of MMM for years, I see you found his site just two days ago… I really recommend reading all of his posts “from the beginning of time”… He has a real good handle on what otta be important. December 31, 2018, 5:44 pm. December 31, 2018, 6:33 pm. Christine T Pete Adeney, the … Hey MMM.. brave post, way to go. My daughter just told me she is getting divorced which also surprised the heck out of me. Also you need to learn hypermiling techniques (google it) to save as much gas (or energy if it is electric) as possible to earn more money from each trip. It has also led to other related nature/outdoor group activities. Also enjoyed how you are all focused on growth for the future, whatever shape that takes. Don’t think your ability to put together a (ridiculously oversimplified) equation makes you exempt from the age-old mechanics of the human life cycle. Read about how to stay married – early and often. We are both doing well in forming new relationships and supportive of the other’s success in that important aspect of moving on. Mr. Been There Next thing you know, you will land a corporate job! Thinking of you all, and wishing you all the best. I also mention Facebook because some of my more active meetup groups are also there. Here are some of the reasons I've heard why MMM probably got a divorce: 1) Guilt and conflict. Thank you! Take a look around. Consider animal shelters, park/rec groups, etc- very people-interactive. Friendships and businesses will fail. When I heard the news, I thought to myself, “how could this happen?” Thank you for sharing this. The Money Mustache Community » ... Obviously a split and a divorce is a sign of an intensely unhappy relationship / life situation. I was still angry but was tempered by her methodical thought process. “Although we had been drifting this way for a while, the formal change of our status is still less than a year old, so it’s still a topic that deserves some quiet respect.” Adeney—who, his now-ex told The New Yorker, squeezes his limes with a woodworker’s vise to get extra juice and mixes his peanut butter with a power drill to save money—told readers that the divorce was “about the most amicable separation that one could hope for.” He then returned to his role as a guru of the FIRE movement—financial independence, retire early—advising devotees to avoid hiring expensive lawyers to navigate divorce proceedings. Thank you MMM for this very important post. But this is usually a personal finance blog. That’s entirely possible, and it should be your goal. MAD Wealth While my only experience in relationships was a year long, long distance relationship, when it ended, it was really horrible. I am happy that you are ok and I am looking forward to continue being mentored and inspired by your blog. Just Stop Spending Seth In fact, when rumour of our separation got out, multiple gossipy and negative and downright distasteful discussions formed around the Internet – on Reddit, other bloggers’ websites, even right here on my own forum. We still celebrate family events together (Christmas, graduations, etc.). Lots of quiet, introverted people get together and find friends amongst the rest of the gang. But you two are awesome. As someone who has been married for 23 years with 2 teenagers, I understand the ups and downs of a relationship and family. Thank you for sharing this. January 1, 2019, 1:54 pm, I read a research paper back in the days, that your “in love faze” just lasts for 4 years before it begins to fade away. He has taught that his mindset, frugality, etc can provide a happy life and happy relationships with those around you. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. And if you don’t choose to fight, a divorce doesn’t have to cost much at all. One of the best things you did was move down the street from your child. Focusing on the silver linings in life is something that I need to improve at, and this example can serve me well as a model. I have no insights into divorce or coparenting but I just wanted to say I’m sorry to hear about your divorce but glad you both are working through it so amically. Building new relationships and nurturing old ones, and making sure we put out only positive energy to every person in our lives, including our ex-spouse. Your story sounds similar to mine. Source: Mr. Money Moustache Each of us will look at the above chart and find a different number that makes our jaw drop to the ground. It was still extremely painful but she definitely played it to her advantage. I felt that the turbulence I had coming to my decision while trying to make the marriage work was replaced with relief once that switch had flipped. 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